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Another Cup Of?

part 2 of Common People


Awwww, love, been months since we've seen you. Positively glowing, you are, is that one of those fake tans? Now, before I forget, darlin', here's your prezzie, you love Milk Tray, I remember you do, don't you? Course you do, course you do. Och, luvvy, the old man and me, so upset to have missed your little "shin dig," but we never go into the city these days, too many cars and people aren't good for the blood pressure. Oh, and Dagne — you remember Dagne, darl? An' her Keith? Their Angelo was two years above you at primary school - yeah, she was putting on a do for the old bingo crew that week, an' I'd promised I'd help with the trifle and the Freddo Surprise, you remember Freddo Surprise, it was your favourite — an' I remember you'd make a right mess of it, too! Eatin' your way through all the lime jelly just to get to the Freddos waiting at the bottom, like they weren't going to be there, and in a dish called Freddo Surprise, I never knew what you were expectin'.

Wassa'? Your thirtieth, you say. No, don't say it, don't say it — now you're making me feel old. I still remember when you were small enough to come right out of me, well, not really small, per say; you were nine bloody pounds of strenuous labour, your father used to joke the doctor who handed you over was huffin' and puffin' more than I was.

Awww, love, c'mere, give us a hug, ow, you haven't gone and lost more, 'ave you? Could count your ribs then, you want to take care with goin' too far, sweetie, makes you look a bit self-obsessed, an' you're thirty, now, ent yer? Not likely to hook up with a nice young man if you're too busy picking the grated cheddar out of your salads, are yer?

Ah, feels good to sit down, my feet get so tired these days, too much work running around after your father, just give me a moment and I'll get up and make a cuppa - of course you want a cuppa, luv, just let me get it. It's a new blend, see — Caffeinated? What do you mean, is it caffeinated, it's tea, not coffee. Comes from 'erbs, tea does, plants. You still eat plants, don't you? Course you do, course you do.

Darl, here you are, take that, careful, it's hot, now drink up, and let me take a load off...Bitter? Well, what do you expect, "no milk no sugar", 'course it's going to taste bitter—-Goodness, it really is bitter, isn't it?

Now, what's it called—No, no, don't get up, I'll just go get my glasses, they're here somewhere, and let me have a bit of a gander — That's an eye —- are —- on—-

"Irony". Funny name for a tea, isn't it? The things they think of these days. Fancy callin' it that. Can't imagine offering someone another cup of irony - oh, and watch out, it's bitter, it is!

August 2010


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